What I liked:
John Williams
Look, this man is the glue that holds these movies together. Aside from C-3PO and R2-D2, he is the only through line in the saga. Even though this movie really just feels like a greatest hits re-release (seriously, the play on the themes from the original movies are almost overkill), it’s still far and away the best thing about this film.
Daisy Ridley
Yes, I know, the character Rey is a total Mary Sue. I don’t fault Daisy for what the hack writer gave her to work with. Even though she plays into the feminist hands of Kathleen Kennedy’s agenda, I give her a a lot of credit for elevating her character above that of a one-dimensional, girls-awesome-men-awful banshee the way she could’ve been portrayed (a la Brie Larson in Captain Marvel). She imbues warmth, confidence, sorrow, and joy when necessary – and at least she’s capable of a genuine smile. A subtle way of seeing her range is her reaction to her character seeing rain for the first time. Considering the prior trilogies relied heavily on the likes of Mark Hamill, Jake Lloyd, and Hayden Christensen, I’d say this is probably the one area the new trilogy gets credit.
Snoke
He was perfectly evil in every way, right down to his own downfall. His flagship was delightfully immense (even if the writers didn’t even try subtlety with the name “Supremacy”), and that throne room – the red just exudes power. Plus, he doesn’t put up with mediocrity. Hux and Kylo are no match for him. Good stories always need a powerful baddie who can take it to the protagonists, and Snoke was being ramped up to be that guy, but then…well, we’ll get to that.
Rapid fire miscellaneous items:
·
The Force “Skype” as a concept is something
quite intriguing. It’s new and kind of
an evolution of simply reaching out and connecting with someone else Force
sensitive over a distance (a la Luke calling to Leia on Bespin)
·
Fan service was minimal, but usually nice. The double sun callback was fitting for the
end (even if the end was lame). R2
recalling Leia from IV was also a nice touch.
·
The Dreadnaught was awesome, if too easily
dispatched.
·
Holdo’s maneuver was incredible to behold, but cheap
when you consider how long it took her to come up with that plan (because she’s
supposedly this unrivaled military strategist).
Questions that need answering:
·
Why was the female leadership dressed to the
nines?
·
Why are the ancient Jedi texts still in a tree
on an island?
·
How did Rose have a technical readout of the
Supremacy?
·
If Luke went to [whatever planet] to die, why
did he leave a map? Why go to the Jedi
epicenter?
·
Is Rey’s vision an indication that she’s a
clone?
·
Why didn’t the AT-ATs or AT-M6s blow Finn and
Rose off the map when they crashed?
If Snoke was the one who bridged Rey and Kylo’s minds, how
did they Force Skype after his death?
What I loathed:
Pretty much everything else, and there’s a lot, so stick
with me.
Luke
What the writers (I blame Rian Johnson, specifically) did to Luke is a travesty of cinema. They didn’t even try to give his character any complexity. They just made him a hermit, wracked with guilt over one bad decision, and longing to die – like any white man would want to do in a universe where women run the show, right? What is this, Brave New World? The lightsaber toss, the super weird sea cow milking, and saying he wants to die but leaves a map is so out of line with what the rest of the saga has made his character. Then they just kill him off. Sure, he makes a little effort at the end, but it’s just a smokescreen. Kill the past, indeed.
Subverting expectations
Yes, there is plenty of room for this in the Star Wars universe. Rogue One effectively did this by killing off every single protagonist. But this movie almost makes it a sport, at the expense of storytelling. Make Luke nothing like his character up to this point would behave. Kill off Snoke before there’s any backstory whatsoever. Make Rey’s parents nobodies. Take risks (like killing Leia and Finn) only to chicken out with a “surprise”. When Kylo says, “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.”, it was actually Rian Johnson literally saying “I’m going to do away with everything that makes sense, because it’s time to do away with your father’s Star Wars.”
New characters
·
Rose – a neck-and-neck race between her and the
awfulness below for the worst Star Wars character ever. If you can look past the fact that she’s
merely a diversity hire (it’s difficult, really), her character serves no beneficial
purpose. She’s a stand-in for the virtue
signaling of the writers room. When
she’s not just spouting exposition that she should have no idea about
(lightspeed tracking), she’s fangirling over a deserter, willing to sacrifice
the Resistance to save some camel dogs, and naturally hating on everything
remotely capitalist. Then she “saves”
Finn, in a move that robbed him of a fitting character arc. Useless.
·
Vice Admiral Holdo – the other tiebreaker for
worst Star Wars character. Again, the
writers didn’t even try subtlety here – she had purple hair. If that’s not obvious what she’s all about,
then her absolutely atrocious dialogue should be. Almost every single line is condescending to
Poe about how he’s a hotheaded, dangerous flyboy who can’t be trusted with a
plan. Then her genius plan turns out to
make the movie about as enjoyable as watching a car run out of gas. If she was so smart, why didn’t she try her
little lightspeed move with one of the smaller ships who were almost out of
fuel anyways. Oh yeah, because they were
being piloted by men, who are useless.
Plus, she needed the hero moment.
Give me a break.
·
DJ.
Why? What? Who?
Just another military industrial complex conspiracy peddler who checks
off enough intersectional boxes.
Other terribleness:
·
Hux is a stand in for all things the writers
want to do to a white men.
·
Poe Dameron is no Han Solo. Not even close.
·
The humor is all over the map. It’s almost like they tried Marvel
humor. That doesn’t work in this
universe. Shirtless Kylo?
·
The bomber run against the Dreadnaught. It defies physics and logic. Not to mention, the hero moment is a horribly
edited scene that just leaves the viewer underwhelmed.
·
Leia Poppins.
I’m all for new Force powers, but this was just stupid.
·
Canto Bight.
You could literally take this whole sequence out and no one would notice. It serves no purpose.
·
Phasma’s return.
Unnecessary, underwhelming, and illogical.
·
Crait (ie discount Hoth). This actually speaks to a larger point. For all the supposed “bold, inspired”
creative choices Johnson makes with this film (or as a normal Star Wars fan
would say, “For all the ways Johnson ruined Star Wars”), he sure retreaded a
lot of ground. Crait was a retread of
Hoth. The Falcon run on Crait was a
retread of its run on the Death Star II.
Snoke’s throne room was a retread of the Emperor’s throne room in VI. And while necessary, Rey’s training on [whatever
world] retreads Luke’s from Dagobah – with an anti-male/religion
underpinning.
·
Broom boy.
I don’t care that he is sensitive to the Force. This was a slap in the face to the other
endings of the saga.
Honestly, there’s a lot more to hate on with this
movie. I really wanted to love it. I don’t really care that it didn’t meet
everyone’s theoretical expectations. I
don’t really care that Snoke didn’t have a backstory (Palpatine didn’t have
much of one in the OT), or that Rey’s parents are nobodies (until it’s
retconned in TROS). It really came down
to what Johnson and his hack writers room did with characters. They ruined the Luke Skywalker from the OT, they
sidelined Poe as irrelevant due to his gender, and they elevated characters whose
only qualifications were that they checked the correct number of intersectional
boxes (Rose – woman “of color”, Holdo – LGBT woman, and DJ – minority with disability). Kathleen must be so proud. Look, Attack of the Clones and Solo
are bad, but I still enjoy aspects of them.
It stays mostly true to their characters and doesn’t spend the majority
of the movie lecturing the audience on what they should and shouldn’t
like. Yes, I know, the stupid robot in Solo
does that, but George Lucas tried to weave a little anti-war sentiment into Clones
too. But it never got out of control
like this one. That is why I am officially
labelling this one the worst Star Wars movie (to date):
My ranking of these movies – like many things I say – are
controversial.
- Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
- Episode IV: A New Hope
- Episode VII: The Force Awakens
- Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
- Episode I: The Phantom Menace
- Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
- Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
- Episode II: Attack of the Clones
- Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
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