The Obama Show: 2016 State of the Union Edition

I didn’t watch it.  There, I said it.  It wasn’t worth my time. Honestly, when it came to this final state of the union from President Obama; I kept hearing the words of the late Maureen O’Hara from what is probably my favorite John Wayne film, McLintock!  She laughs in the face of the governor and says “Why you pompous windbag.”  Yep.  That’s pretty much how I feel about President Obama at this point.  To listen to the talking heads in the mainstream media, you'd think this was the second coming of JFK.  They even had a countdown to the speech on CNN.  Yeah, it was that lame.  So, without further delay, let’s just get this over with it.  What follows is parts of the transcript that I deemed necessary to include for commentary.  Honestly, you could probably do without any of it, but apparently I’m supposed to watch/read so you don’t have to.  So here goes.

I’m going to try to make it shorter. I know some of you are antsy to get back to Iowa.
Unlikely. And don’t try to be cute.  No one cares anymore.

Mr. Speaker, I appreciate the constructive approach you and the other leaders took at the end of last year to pass a budget and make tax cuts permanent for working families…We just might surprise the cynics again.
More like betray your constituents.  I like Paul Ryan, but I’m not happy with him or the Republican Party at all right now. 

Fixing a broken immigration system. Protecting our kids from gun violence. Equal pay for equal work, paid leave, raising the minimum wage. All these things still matter to hardworking families
No, they don’t.  They matter to your ego.

I don’t want to talk just about the next year. I want to focus on the next five years, ten years, and beyond…I want to focus on our future.
Yeah, because you’ve done irreparable damage and now you’re gloating?

Blah, blah, blah.  Come so far.

the progress of these past seven years
Let the comedic zingers begin.

recovered from the worst economic crisis in generations…reformed our health care system, and reinvented our energy sector; how we delivered more care and benefits to our troops and veterans, and how we secured the freedom in every state to marry the person we love.
Um…a still volatile job market, higher insurance premiums, bankrolling unreliable energy sources, a train wreck at the VA, and judicial legislation.  Yeah, progress indeed.

four big questions that we as a country have to answer – regardless of who the next President is, or who controls the next Congress.
Oh, goodie.  Are they multiple choice?  Or is that not Common Core approved now?

First, how do we give everyone a fair shot at opportunity and security in this new economy?
Get the government out of everyone’s life.

Second, how do we make technology work for us, and not against us – especially when it comes to solving urgent challenges like climate change?
Stop letting the government pick the winners and losers in an economy.

Third, how do we keep America safe and lead the world without becoming its policeman?
Stop electing Democrats and people who wilt in the face of opposition – much less bow to everyone, despite being the leader of the free world.

And finally, how can we make our politics reflect what’s best in us, and not what’s worst?
Term limits.

Seriously.  That was easy.  Why do we have to have what follows?

basic fact: the United States of America, right now, has the strongest, most durable economy in the world…Anyone claiming that America’s economy is in decline is peddling fiction.
And let the campaign against Donald Trump begin.

It’s made it harder for a hardworking family to pull itself out of poverty, harder for young people to start on their careers, and tougher for workers to retire when they want to.
Or…maybe taxes are too high, kids are essentially taught to be lampreys on society until they absolutely must have a job to survive, and everyone is afraid to retire because they are afraid they’ll lose their social security when the Chinese come in an have a non-violent takeover? 

For the past seven years, our goal has been a growing economy that works better for everybody. We’ve made progress.
We have?  Oh, your party has made what you call progress.  Okay, read between the lines now I’m back on track.  And still bored.

real opportunity requires every American to get the education and training they need to land a good-paying job.
Education (i.e. indoctrination)

we should build on that progress, by providing Pre-K for all,
Yes, let’s start teaching them about transgenders in Pre-K now.

we’ve actually got to cut the cost of college. Providing two years of community college at no cost for every responsible student is one of the best ways to do that
One, you’re liberal buddies at these universities will never go for that, since it’s their salaries you’ve put in jeopardy.  And two, who is going to pay for two years of community college?  Maybe if we had competent secondary education, students wouldn’t need any more free school? 

Social Security and Medicare are more important than ever; we shouldn’t weaken them, we should strengthen them.
Or just privatize them.

That’s what the Affordable Care Act is all about…Nearly eighteen million have gained coverage so far. Health care inflation has slowed.
What?  No talk of the victories of keeping your plans or lowering your premiums?  Oh, wait…

Say a hardworking American loses his job – we shouldn’t just make sure he can get unemployment insurance; we should make sure that program encourages him to retrain for a business that’s ready to hire him. If that new job doesn’t pay as much, there should be a system of wage insurance in place so that he can still pay his bills. And even if he’s going from job to job, he should still be able to save for retirement and take his savings with him. That’s the way we make the new economy work better for everyone.
THAT’S NOT THE GOVERNMENT’S JOB!

I also know Speaker Ryan has talked about his interest in tackling poverty.
Yes, heap the praise on him, now that he’s passed a budget that funds everything you wanted. 

what role the government should play in making sure the system’s not rigged in favor of the wealthiest and biggest corporations…by letting big banks or big oil or hedge funds make their own rules at the expense of everyone else; or by allowing attacks on collective bargaining to go unanswered. Food Stamp recipients didn’t cause the financial crisis; recklessness on Wall Street did. Immigrants aren’t the reason wages haven’t gone up enough; those decisions are made in the boardrooms …not the average family watching tonight that avoids paying taxes through offshore accounts…
This is hilarious.  I’d like to think he has absolutely no clue, but he knows full well and now he’s just trying to communicate with the most uninformed voter out there. 

Finally.  On to act two.

He just went on this four paragraph analogy about curing cancer being the next NASA program.  Ironic, now that he’s basically just made NASA a branch of coddle Muslims arm of government.

Look, if anybody still wants to dispute the science around climate change, have at it. You’ll be pretty lonely, because you’ll be debating our military, most of America’s business leaders, the majority of the American people, almost the entire scientific community, and 200 nations around the world who agree it’s a problem and intend to solve it.
And the comedy continues.

why would we want to pass up the chance for American businesses to produce and sell the energy of the future?
Because the companies the government pick keep going bankrupt?

Blah, blah, blah…clean energy.

Gas under two bucks a gallon ain’t bad, either.
You had nothing to do with that.

we should invest in the future – especially in communities that rely on fossil fuels…put money back into those communities and put tens of thousands of Americans to work building a 21^st century transportation system.
Yet you nixed the Keystone pipeline, which would have done just that.

there are plenty of entrenched interests who want to protect the status quo.
Yeah, because there’s no environmentalist cartel that operates out of Washington.

Our troops are the finest fighting force in the history of the world.
Yet they are demeaned by your party as murderers and rapists.

Surveys show our standing around the world is higher than when I was elected to this office,
Couldn’t go through just one SOTU without jabbing Bush, could you?

As someone who begins every day with an intelligence briefing,
Or, rather, you’re brief on intelligence.  If only that were true.  (That wasn’t a complement.)

The Middle East is going through a transformation that will play out for a generation, rooted in conflicts that date back millennia.
And you allowed destabilization on your watch.  Thanks, Hillary.

Both al Qaeda and now ISIL pose a direct threat…because in today’s world, even a handful of terrorists who place no value on human life, including their own, can do a lot of damage.
And you coddle them at every turn by not linking their religion to their motives.  Yet, you’re more than happy to say religion plays a role when it’s a “Christian” who does something unspeakable.

We just need to call them what they are – killers and fanatics who have to be rooted out, hunted down, and destroyed.
But they’re not “radical Islamic terrorists.”

That’s exactly what we are doing.
You mean, you didn’t create a vacuum in Iraq and let them take over?  And you weren’t going to fund them to get rid of Assad?  Yeah, we should trust your judgment.

If you doubt America’s commitment – or mine – to see that justice is done, ask Osama bin Laden.
Seriously, he’s running for a third term.  I’m only half joking.

Blah, blah, blah.  Feigned tough talk.  He always talks tougher when proposing gun control. 

That’s why we built a global coalition, with sanctions and principled diplomacy, to prevent a nuclear-armed Iran. As we speak, Iran has rolled back its nuclear program, shipped out its uranium stockpile, and the world has avoided another war.
Yeah, we can trust those Iranian gentlemen.  Also, we didn’t just let John Kerry give them everything they wanted to placate Valerie Jarrett.  

That’s how we stopped the spread of Ebola in West Africa.
Okay, this is just getting far-fetched now.  I mean, you had me with the whole climate change bit, but now it’s gone from mildly funny to just annoying. 

That’s how we forged a Trans-Pacific Partnership…Approve this agreement. Give us the tools to enforce it.
Most transparent government in history now writes laws kept literally under lock and key.  Is this an episode of The Twilight Zone?

Lift the embargo.
Fine.  Whatever.  I want a cigar.  Gitmo is still open.  Hashtag broken promises?

Right now, we are on track to end the scourge of HIV/AIDS
Really?  Have the gays gone celibate?  Have heroin addicts become classier in the last forty years?  Have African men stopped sleeping with anything that walks?  Has child prostitution/trafficking in South Asia come to a complete standstill? 

That is why I will keep working to shut down the prison at Guantanamo: it’s expensive, it’s unnecessary, and it only serves as a recruitment brochure for our enemies.
Yeah.  So let’s just bring detainees here to the mainland.  I hear Club Leavenworth is marvelous this time of year.  Seriously?  Expensive?  That’s what you’re worried about when it comes to government waste?

That’s why we need to reject any politics that targets people because of race or religion. This isn’t a matter of political correctness.
Yes it is.

When politicians insult Muslims,
Again, he’s running against Trump.

Apparently I missed part three.  Was that where he tried to win an Emmy for his portrayal of an American president who cared about the military.  Great bit of acting that was.  But I digress, on to part four.

The future we want...will only happen if we can have rational, constructive debates. It will only happen if we fix our politics.
Wait.  You didn’t do that already?  I thought you were going to do that in your first term.  Actually, I thought you and Nancy Pelosi were going to do that in your first year. 

A better politics doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything.
“It just means you have to agree with me.”

But democracy does require basic bonds of trust between its citizens.
This may be the one line that I’ve ever agreed with him on.  That trust is non-existent.  He’s never had it, except with the base he panders to.  Now the country has even turned on Paul Ryan and his ilk.  We elected them for a reason, and they betrayed us.

It’s one of the few regrets of my presidency – that the rancor and suspicion between the parties has gotten worse instead of better. There’s no doubt a president with the gifts of Lincoln or Roosevelt might have better bridged the divide, and I guarantee I’ll keep trying to be better so long as I hold this office.
Feigned self-deprecation.  This was his design all along.

And if we want a better politics, it’s not enough to just change a Congressman or a Senator or even a President; we have to change the system to reflect our better selves.
By demanding term limits.

We have to reduce the influence of money in our politics, so that a handful of families and hidden interests can’t bankroll our elections
Says the guy who mounted a billion dollar campaign last go around.  And for the record, it wasn’t grassroots.

– and if our existing approach to campaign finance can’t pass muster in the courts,
That still burns him, doesn’t it?  After all the Supreme Court has done after he stacked it with his pawns, he’s still ticked off about Citizens United. 

But I can’t do these things on my own.
How many executive orders are you up to now? 

But I can promise that a year from now, when I no longer hold this office,
Please tell me there was a standing ovation at this point.

Blah, blah, blah.  Invoke Dr. King.  Blah, blah, blah.  “I see it in the [fill in the blank occupation].”

That’s what makes me so hopeful about our future. Because of you.
“If you keep voting Democrat.”

I believe in you. That’s why I stand here confident that the State of our Union is strong.
‘Crumbling’ was the correct answer, Mr. President.  But good guess. 

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless the United States of America.
I can’t believe he said something so demeaning to so many Americans. 

Well, I will say that while it was indeed pompous, and overly bloated, it wasn’t his worst.  Then again, that’s like saying that a Demerol-free root canal is better than an anesthesia-free colonoscopy.  So, really, it’s pick your poison. 

I’m so bored with him.  He did exactly what he said he’d do with this presidency.  He fundamentally changed America.  For the worse.  Unfortunately, history will be kind to him.  Because he’s black.  Or kind of black.  Because if the writers of history say something about how terrible his policies are, well, they’re racist.  I’m not a conspiracy theorist – though, it’s amazing how such theories don’t sound beyond belief anymore.  I just take him at his word.  He said he’d fundamentally change America.  Government healthcare, gay marriage, and executive amnesty later; done.  He said the Constitution is a fundamentally flawed document.  He’s still trying to undermine it – specifically the second and tenth amendments.  On top of that, he’s stood idly by while ISIS and Putin rise.  So, I guess that makes me racist; because I think he has been a nightmare for this country. 

I’d like to think we can do better, but I’m not optimistic.  I used to prop up Paul Ryan.  Now he’s on my list of political traitors.  I thought about commentating on the Republican response, but it’s been delivered by Nikki Haley, who kowtowed to the PC-mob and spoke out against the Confederate flag.  Is there no one who has a backbone in this country anymore?  And don’t say Donald Trump.  Yeah, I’ll vote for him over Hillary, but I’m not thrilled about voting for an opportunist.  I’m all but done with both parties – certainly with Democrats, but getting to that point with Republicans too. 

Either way, it’s nice to finally bid farewell to this political blowhard.  At least to his SOTUs.  I’d like to think we’ll never see him again after 2017.  But our former Adulterer in Chief, Bill Clinton, is still around.  And I highly doubt this ego maniac will stay away from the spotlight.