If Scrat Ran the Oscars: 2014 Edition

Normally, I would have posted this right after the actual ceremony, but well, I have a semblance of a life nowadays.  Plus, part of me wanted to see a bunch of the nominated films before I just sit here and complain about why they won.  For the record, I have yet to see 12 Years a Slave, American Hustle, Dallas Buyer’s Club, Frozen, Her, Philomena, The Wolf of Wall Street, August: Osage County, and Saving Mr. Banks, but I plan on it. If only to complain about them.  Oh, and since this thing took forever to put together, I forwent the pictures.  

As is a yearly tradition; here’s the way that I thought the Academy Awards should have gone.  That is, if I were in charge of nominating/choosing.  One day, when I’m ruler of the world, I will be.

As usual, I’ve left out a few categories like documentary and short film, but who really cares about those anyways?  Again, this year, I’ve included a “My reasoning” section for each category – and don’t worry, not all of them are fawning over the films I felt were standouts.  Again, this year is my “Prediction/Actual Winner/Should Have Won” section.  “Should Have Won” only applies to films that were nominated and should have won but were not in my list.  Oh, and I worked on the formatting and revised the “→←” to indicate which film I would have chosen.  Enjoy!  (After the break, of course…)

BEST PICTURE

Gravity

The Heat

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

→The Hunger Games: Catching Fire←

Lone Survivor

Man of Steel

This Is The End

Prediction: - 12 Years a Slave

Actual Winner: - 12 Years a Slave

Should Have Won: Gravity

My reasoning:  Not a huge shocker that 12YAS took this one home.  Hollywood loves white guilt movies.  Otherwise, it would have been AH, but it’s really surprising that it didn’t take home a single Oscar, despite having the most nominations.  Gravity would have been my other choice.  The rest just didn’t’ look like they had the muster or pedigree – you know, to be a pandering movie. This year, it was hardest to pick a winner.  Honestly, it was hard to find movies worthy to put on my list.  I had serious problems with TH:TDOS, as it is the least faithful to the source material of all the LOTR films.  The other films were good - particularly MOS and LS - but not really worthy of the term, Best Picture.  My favorite movie from last year though was THG:CF.  It was an improvement on every way over the first film, and featured a strong lead in Jennifer Lawrence.  It wasn't the clear-cut winner like The Avengers was last year, but it was quite an achievement.  

BEST DIRECTOR
→Peter Berg – Lone Survivor←

Alfonso Cuaron – Gravity

Francis Lawrence – The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

David O. Russell – American Hustle

Zach Snyder – Man of Steel

Prediction: David O. Russell – American Hustle

Actual Winner: Alfonso Cuaron - Gravity

My reasoning:  Of the five films, I’d only seen two, and the less said about the total bore that was Nebraska and its pretentious director, the better.  I saw AH taking this one home, thereby splitting the Best Director – Best Picture category with 12YAS.  I didn’t see Gravity making a late push, not that I’m complaining.  I have yet to see the other three films (AH is the only one that really looks appealing, but I’m going to give the other two a shot), but I suspect Curaron was the most deserving on the list.  McQueen knows how to get the best out of his actors, but his film was too pretentious and Oscar whoring for me to give him accolades.  Scorsese is the real offender here. Not since The Aviator has he put out a film that I just couldn’t get into, but at least that one had one compelling character.  TWOWS was devoid of class, and was a waste of three hours of my life.  In my alternate list, I subbed in Snyder for his excellent work bringing Superman back to the big screen.  Also, Lawrence delivered a grander picture in his sequel to a great story, but terribly filmed predecessor.  However, it was Berg who gets the top prize as far as I’m concerned.  His intimate work with LS was reminiscent of his work on Friday Night Lights.  Plus, the harrowing true story and his attention to detail paid off in a big way for him, after last year’s misfire with Battleship. 

BEST ACTOR

Oscar Isaac – Inside Llewyn Davis

Hugh Jackman – Prisoners

Robert Redford – All Is Lost

Tye Sheridan – Mud

→Mark Wahlberg – Lone Survivor←

Prediction: Matthew McConaughey - Dallas Buyer’s Club

Actual Winner: Matthew McConaughey - Dallas Buyer’s Club

My reasoning: Yawn.  Totally called this one.  McConaughey finally whored himself out right this time.  Don’t mistake me, he’s a better actor than the pathetic rom-coms that we’d all grown accustomed to seeing him in, but I really have no desire to see DBC.  When I inevitably do, it’ll just be to complain about it.  His only real competition, in my opinion was Chiwetel Ejiofor, again, for the Academy’s white guilt.  Maybe Leo, since he apparently went bonkers in TWOWS, but none of the other nominees were particularly surprising.  Bale might be, as he’s was pretty good, but Dern was part of that snoozer, so no thanks.  As for my nominees, I really wanted to include Henry Cavill on here for his fine turn as Superman/Clark Kent and Tom Hanks Captain Phillips, as he and Redford actually impressed me with their seafaring roles.  However, after finally seeing ILD, I had to include Isaac, if for nothing else than his very clear musical talent. Sheridan is a talent to watch, and Jackman delivered a fine performance again.  However, Wahlberg – one of the most underrated actors who sometimes picks scripts beneath him – was great in this film.  A standout performance. 

BEST ACTRESS

Amy Adams – American Hustle

Cate Blanchett – Blue Jasmine

→Sandra Bullock – Gravity←

Jennifer Lawrence – The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Melissa McCarthy – The Heat

Prediction: Cate Blanchett – Blue Jasmine

Actual Winner: Cate Blanchett – Blue Jasmine

My reasoning: Don’t misunderstand me, Cate is beautiful and a very, very talented actress.  But she went straight-up Kirk Lazarus for this part.  Sandra deserved the win, for sure.  As for the others – Amy was part of the AH push, Judi is an Academy favorite, and Meryl well, is Meryl (another Kirk Lazarus role).  Honestly, this really came down to a battle between Jennifer and Sandra.  Don’t misunderstand me, Melissa was hilarious in The Heat (alongside Sandra, ironically).  But you want to talk about two women who had to carry their respective films, it was all up to them to lend their talents.  In the end, I went with Sandra, because she was on screen nearly every second.  Jennifer was the anchor of a wonderful sequel, but she had a great cast to back her up.  Whereas Sandra was basically on her own through the majority of her film.  Great stuff from both ladies, but Sandra gets this one. 

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

→Benedict Cumberbatch – The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug←

Ben Foster – Lone Survivor

John Goodman – Inside Llewyn Davis

Tom Hiddleston – Thor: The Dark World

Matthew McConoughey – Mud

Prediction: Jared Leto - Dallas Buyer’s Club

Actual Winner: Jared Leto - Dallas Buyer’s Club

My reasoning: Another Kirk Lazarus-type part, which was a shoe-in for an Oscar.  If you’re not a chick, how do you win an Oscar?  You either play crazy, or for the other team.  Bam – Leto in DBC.  Real shocker.  Abdi was fine, I guess – despite me really wanting his character offed by the end.  And I have yet to see the other three two, but I’m sure they were good as well – particularly the very talented Fassbender.  Hill was over-the-top (he technically went full-frontal, so naturally, he got an Oscar nomination), and Cooper was just riding a wave of AH love, before the Academy turned against it.  Fassbender was predictably good, but so bad in his role in 12YAS, and honestly, I thought he was the most compelling character in that film, as evil as he was.  Honestly though, what a boring category.  It was kind of hard to put this category together myself.  Foster was a standout next to Wahlberg in LS, and I almost included Nathan Fillon for his turn as Hermes in the latest Percy Jackson film because he was great.  Instead, I added Goodman, as his short but memorable performance in ILD was a highlight of the well-acted, musically great but otherwise tepid film.  McConoughey finally got his Oscar for his ultimate Oscar-whoring role, but I think his work in the likely superior Mud was overlooked.  And can anyone ever get enough of Hiddleston as Loki?  However, much like Gollum, Smaug stole the show in this year’s Hobbit film.  It’d be one thing if the dexterous Cumberbatch had just leant his voice to the mighty dragon, but it’s a whole other thing when he did the mo-cap for him as well.  Quite impressive.  Just because he’s covered up by massive amounts of CGI doesn’t mean that his performance is lost.  Cumberbatch is Smaug, and for that he deserves accolades.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Amy Adams – Man of Steel

Jennifer Lawrence – American Hustle

Melissa Leo – Prisoners

Chloe Grace Moretz – Kick-Ass 2

→Antje Traue – Man of Steel←

Prediction: Jennifer Lawrence – American Hustle

Actual Winner: Lupita Nyong’o – 12 Years a Slave

My reasoning: This was always going to come down between Jennifer and Lupita.  Clearly AH wasn’t getting the Oscar love that it appeared to, and white guilt won out the night, so Lupita took home the Oscar.  She’s beautiful and I’m sure she did great, but her nomination seemed was, well, obvious.  Otherwise, June and Sally were the only other two I’ve seen, and June was much more deserving for bringing just a little ray of sunshine to that snoozer of a film.  Julia only made the list because Meryl did.  This was kind of a lackluster year for supporting roles as far as the ladies go.  Chloe is reliable as ever as Hit-Girl.  And Melissa is chilling out of her typical role.  However, I loved the ladies in MoS.  Diane Lane almost made the cut, but Amy and Antje were the standouts.  Amy helped transcend the role of Lois Lane in this revamp of the Superman mythos.  But it was Antje’s Faora that stood out the most.  She was much more menacing than Michael Shannon’s General Zod.  She joins the ranks of lovely ladies who aren’t afraid to go bad…and go bad so good.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

All Is Lost

Gravity

The Heat

Prisoners

→This Is The End←

Prediction: American Hustle

Actual Winner: Her

My reasoning: First of all, Her just looks creepy.  Still haven’t seen DBC, but the other three didn’t really warrant this kind of attention.  Maybe AH, but it just wasn’t as compelling as Russell’s other work lately.  Instead, I submit to you my nominees.  All is Lost and Gravity were both pretty good survival stories, with Gravity being more tense and compelling.  Prisoners was actually pretty good, and didn’t end the way I expected, which was nice.  The Heat was hilarious.  It was mostly due to the comedic pairing of Melissa and Sandra, but it’s clear the writers knew who they had to work with.  However, when it comes to most original, I had to go with This Is the End.  So wrong, yet so right.  Everything about it just seemed to work.  Side-splittingly hilarious, yet with some genuine insight, mixed in with all the wackiness.  Well done, but not for the faint of heart. 

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
The Great Gatsby

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Kick-Ass 2

→Lone Survivor←

Man of Steel

Prediction: 12 Years a Slave

Actual Winner: 12 Years a Slave

My reasoning: Again, real shocker here.  Something just tells me that the Academy kept voting for this film to assuage their still-festering – but okay because they’re Democrats – racism.  Sorry, I’m a cynic.  Otherwise, I haven’t seen BM or Philomena – but I hear that one does some serious Catholic bashing, so that makes sense that it would get an Oscar nom.  TWOWS was awful, and CP wasn’t nearly as gripping as a Paul Greengrass film should be.  This was actually one of the harder categories to put together, mostly because I’m not familiar with a lot of the source materials.  So, I’m going with the five above.  I know what you’re thinking with TGG, it was bad.  Well, so was the book.  I thought they actually did a pretty good job transitioning Fitzgerald’s vague, misguided commentary to screen.  I have to give credit to the nerds who wrote both KA2 and MOS.  Both great treatments.  I have it on good authority that THG:CF was pretty accurate to the book, despite not being able to cover everything from the novel.  However, I have it on very good authority that LS was very accurate to the book, and that it captures key, bone-crunching scenes just as described by Marcus Luttrell.   

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
The Croods

→Despicable Me 2←

Epic

Turbo

Prediction: Frozen

Actual Winner: Frozen

My reasoning: I must be the only person who hasn’t seen Frozen, though, by the time I finish writing this, I probably will have.  As for the two films that no one has ever heard of, I’m just convinced the Academy does this to keep from nominating actual, popular films.  Honestly, this was kind of a lackluster year for animation, hence my four nominees.  (I may have included Frozen, but just haven’t seen it yet.)  I think Turbo got the shaft, and Epic was better than I expected it to be, despite some New Age tree-hugging inclinations.  The Croods was absurd, but I still liked it.  However, I’ve got to go with my minions on this one.  It wasn’t as good as the first one, but I still liked DM2the most of the animated films this year. 

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN
American Hustle

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

→Man of Steel←

Oblivion

Pacific Rim

Prediction: American Hustle

Actual Winner: The Great Gatsby

My reasoning: Okay, so I only agree with one of the Academy’s actual nominees (AH), but I almost think the Gravity could have made the list.  Honestly, if the effects in TGG hadn’t looked as Lurhman-esque, I may have gone with it as a nominee.  Haven’t seen Her, but 12YAS didn’t look like more than it was staged on an operating cotton farm.  Not terribly impressed by that film.  At all. However, the bigger pictures have much better production design, in my humble opinion.  A lot of work went into making THG:CF, Oblivion, and PR look grand and very detailed.  So, I have to give them credit.  However, the design of MOS impressed me the most.  The intricacies of Krypton, to the little touches on the Kent farm.  It was pretty impressive.   

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
All Is Lost

→Gravity←

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Oblivion

Prediction: Gravity

Actual Winner: Gravity

My reasoning: This one was kind of a “duh” moment.  Don’t really know why ILD and Nebraska were even nominated, but Prisoners had some good camera work.  Has anyone ever even heard of The Grandmaster?  So, AIL had great work for being set at sea, and TH:TDOS, THG:CF, and Oblivion all had great camera work that blended quite well with the special effects.  However, the “duh” moment came in the form of cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki’s great work with long shots on Gravity.  Truly spectacular, and meshed so well with the special effects. 

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

American Hustle

→Man of Steel←

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Oblivion

Prediction: 12 Years a Slave

Actual Winner: The Great Gatsby

My reasoning: Again, what’s with The Grandmaster?  And where did The Invisible Woman come from? The other films weren’t terribly surprising, but I was kind of surprised that the white-guilt movie didn’t take this one home.  With my nominees, AH was pretty impressive in it’s early 80s costume work, and Oblivion had some very nice, futuristic designs.  With TH:TDOS and THG:CF, there were many instances where costuming came through.  With TH:TDOS, the elven kingdom was where the costumes worked the best, whereas with THG:CF, Effie was the thing that drew the eye, but Katniss’ costuming was pretty impressive as well.  However, the Kryptonian garb was stellar in MOS, so I went with that film. 

BEST EDITING

→Gravity←

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Lone Survivor

Man of Steel

Prisoners

Prediction: Gravity

Actual Winner: Gravity

My reasoning: Again, I agreed with the Academy here.  Maybe that should be ominous to me?  AH, CP, and 12YAS could have all used some trimming.  I assume the same for DBC.  This was kind of a hard list to put together.  I knew TH:TDOS wouldn’t make my list, because it had some serious overreaching elements, but the other four all had merits as far as editing/pacing go, so that’s why they’re on here.  However, with Gravity, I was impressed that they got that thing cut down to a very tense 90 minutes.  Shows true editing power to keep that much power in the story, yet still keep it short enough so as not to exhaust the viewer. 

BEST MAKEUP
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

The Lone Ranger

→Lone Survivor←

Prediction: Dallas Buyer’s Club

Actual Winner: Dallas Buyer’s Club

My reasoning: This may have been the only category that Jackass could ever get into the Oscars through, but even though Johnny Knoxville did a great transformation, it still wasn’t as impressive as the makeup work on TLR or THG:CF – particularly with Effie and Katniss’ makeup.  Can’t speak for DBC, but who knows.  However, I have to give this one to LS, for all the work done with the blood, sweat, and tears.  Well done. 

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

→ Hans Zimmer – Man of Steel ←

Steven Price - Gravity

Michael Giachinno – Star Trek Into Darkness

Steve Jablonsky – Ender’s Game

James Newton Howard - The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Prediction: Gravity

Actual Winner: Gravity

My reasoning: I actually just recently watched TBT, but I couldn’t have told you it was John Williams.  So it wasn’t that memorable.  I’ll probably be seeing Philomena next week, so I’ll see if Desplat’s work was worthy.  Not a huge Newman fan, and I highly doubt the music in Her is even close to those I have on my list.  Price’s minimalistic approach to Gravity was quite suiting.  Honestly, Jablonsky’s work on EG was probably the highlight of that movie.  With STID and THG:CF, both Giachinno and Howard put their talents on display.  However, once again, this category was owned by Hans Zimmer.  Maybe I’m biased.  I don’t know.  His work on 12YAS wasn’t nominated, which was surprising, but it wasn’t nearly as good as the themes he created for MOS.  Wonderful and very memorable, just as he did with the Batman films before it. 

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

 “From Here to the Moon and Back” by Dolly Parton and Kris Kristofferson – Joyful Noise

“Atlas” by Coldplay - The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

→“I See Fire” by Ed Sheradin – The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug←

Prediction: “Let It Go” - Frozen

Actual Winner: “Let It Go” – Frozen

My reasoning: This was probably the hardest category to put together. Honestly, I haven’t heard much good music from the movies this year.  I’m not a fan of Pharrell Williams, so I didn’t dig the song from DM2 (however, the minion version of “I Swear” was hilarious).  Haven’t seen Frozen, but I’m sure Idina Menzel was great, as usual.  Her still looks creepy, and I wasn’t overly fond of U2’s song from Mandela.  I liked Coldplay’s song from THG:CF, and Dolly and Kris are great together in Joyful Noise – even though, I’m pretty sure it’s not an original song, it was nice enough for me to include on this list.  However, from the first time I heard Ed Sheradin’s song from TH:TDOS, I really dug it – even though I had no idea who that guy was.  It fit pretty well with the flick, so I it was pretty simple to choose it as the winner before I even got the others on my list. 

 

BEST SOUND EDITING

→Gravity←

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Lone Survivor

Man of Steel

Star Trek Into Darkness

Prediction: Gravity

Actual Winner: Gravity

My reasoning: Honestly, I was captivated by how great the sound work on Gravity was.  There’s no sound in space, so the attention to details like breathing was fascinating.  I agreed with the Academy on nominating TH:TDOS and LS (finally, some love for that film, in a seemingly meaningless category), but I would have subbed my two others for CP and AIL. 

BEST SOUND MIXING
→Gravity←

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Lone Survivor

Man of Steel

Star Trek Into Darkness

Prediction: Gravity

Actual Winner: Gravity

My reasoning: This is the category for how well the music fits into the film.  All three of the big budget movies had their scores well-fit into their respective films.  However, it was really a toss-up between LS and Gravity on how well-cued the music could be.  Honestly, I was again, so in awe and tense with Gravity that I had to go with how perfectly cued and minimalistic Price’s score blended with the already astounding sound work on the film. 

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

Gravity

→The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug←

Man of Steel

Pacific Rim

Star Trek Into Darkness

Prediction: Gravity

Actual Winner: Gravity

My reasoning: Okay, so, how did LR get nominated for this category?  It wasn’t atrocious, but it wasn’t up to par with other Verbenski/Bruckenheimer productions.  IM3 was good, but I thought Thor: The Dark World had better visuals.  Obviously I agreed with the Academy on three out of five, but I was really surprised not to see PR on their list.  Of the many failings of that film, the visual effects were not.  Top notch.  And MOS had great effects.  I didn’t go with the Academy darling, but rather with TH:TDOS for one reason only – Smaug.  Wonderful.  Just as I imagined him from the book.  Some of the other effects were a little less than stellar, as with the story as well, but when Smaug arrives on screen, they are all but forgotten. 

Wrap up: 

I didn’t watch the ceremony again this year.  Probably never will again actually.  Ellen was hosting.  Seth Macfarlane almost got me to watch last year, but a forthcoming snowstorm and shuffled flight schedule kept that from happening.  I wasn’t too bummed I missed last year.  Everything was all about the overrated Argo.  This year was no different, with everything being about the overrated 12 Years a Slave.  However, it was nice to see Gravity take home as many Oscars as it did.  Still, the Academy is rife with liberals/commies/hippies.  Synonymous, I know.  But I just can’t really justify wasting four hours of my life watching Hollywood congratulate itself on being rich and famous. 

Last year, I was looking forward to a slew of movies.  Some turned out great (Man of Steel, Gravity, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, The Heat, and This is the End), some good (The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, Olympus Has Fallen, Despicable Me 2, Kick-Ass 2, and Thor: The Dark World), some mediocre (Iron Man 3, Carrie, The World’s End, The Wolverine, Star Trek Into Darkness, Pacific Rim, and Red 2), some poor (White House Down, Scary Movie 5, and Machete Kills), and some were just plain flops (Fast & Furious 6).  Some I didn’t get around to seeing (The Internship, Rush, and To the Wonder), and some didn’t even come out before awards season (Jack Ryan, I, Frankenstein, 300: Rise of an Empire, and Sin City: A Dame to Kill For).

Post awards season, I’ve already seen 300: Rise of an Empire, God’s Not Dead, and Captain America: The Winter Soldier, but I still haven’t seen Jack Ryan, I, Frankenstein, Muppets Most Wanted, Need for Speed, The LEGO Movie, Son of God, Pompeii, and RoboCop.  There’s a chance that I may just wait for Rio 2, The Amazing Spider-man 2, Chef, A Million Ways to Die in the West, Jersey Boys, Tammy, Hercules, Lucy, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Jane Got a Gun, Horrible Bosses 2, Exodus, Annie, and Into the Woods to come out on Blu-ray so I can see them on Netflix instead of in theaters.  But the likelihood of me going to see Transcendence, Neighbors, Godzilla, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Maleficent, How to Train Your Dragon 2, Transformers: Age of Extinction, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Jupiter Ascending, Guardians of the Galaxy, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, Interstellar, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part I, and The Hobbit: There and Back Again in theaters is very high.  Broke, again, I feel I shall be.