Scrat on Speed: January 2013

I’m so surprised that this speech is actually on time. That’s the first time in four years that’s happened.

So it begins. Another four years of this pathetic excuse for a president. (Technically, it began yesterday, but I digress. I wish I could say with confidence, "Only four years left." But we'll see if he stomps on the twenty-second amendment the way he's stomping on the second.)

Now, Chuck Shuemer is introducing the president, right after the swearing in. “Barack H. Obama” Really?

I really don’t want to be here watching this.

“O-bam-a! O-bam-a! O-bam-a!” Oh, so this is a campaign rally.

Oh my goat. I loathe listening to this man speak. He’s such a pompous [animal that represents his party].

Oh, there’s Michelle with her new bangs. Quite frankly, that’s the bigger story here.

I’m bored.

Fascinating. He’s talking about fighting the tyranny of a king, while behind the scenes, he’s setting himself up to be one. Hypocrite.

Again, I laugh. He says that society’s ills can’t be solved by government alone. Yet, his party claims they can be.

And there’s a shout out to his union buddies: teachers and construction workers.

I’m bored.

“A decade of war is now ending. An economic recovery has begun.” Really? What recovery?!

Oh, and there’s the obligatory class warfare statement. Speaking of which – because I’m really easily distracted right now – what ever happened to Occupy Wall Street? Why are they no longer on the radar?

Just looking at him makes me want to throw things at the television – and I love my television.

He just talked about reducing the deficit. Really? You clearly don’t care about it, so why talk about it?

I’m bored. I really don’t know why I’m watching this. Do I have a psycho-masochist problem? Do I need to see a psychiatrist? Probably, after this speech.

And there’s the obligatory “climate change” shout out. He’s saying the science is irrefutable. [Malarkey].

He’s still babbling on about it. No doubt we’ll be seeing all kinds of executive orders pertaining to this in the months to come.

Now he’s doing a shout-out to the armed services. And, now he’s switching gears to diplomacy. “Not because we are naïve…” Yes you are. Or, maybe you’re just a pacifist. Or a communist. Or all the above.

Is Justice Scalia snoozing? Don’t blame him if he is.

He keeps using “we the people”. I find it fascinating that “we the people” only threw half our support behind this man. The other half wanted someone else.

Now we’re moving on to MLK-invocation.

Women’s pay and gay rights get the biggest cheer? Seriously?

Now we move on to immigration reform.

And I think this is a set-up for gun control. Maybe not.

“…or substitute spectacle for politics.” Isn’t that what’s going on right now?

“…an oath to God and country, not party…” Whatever. You’re a slave to your ideology.

So…voicing our opinions is a “birthright”? Oh, that’s unless it’s against your policies. Then it’s racist.

And now it’s over. Only about 20 minutes. This may go down as his best speech yet – due only to its length.

Oh, Kelly Clarskon. You’re beautiful, but why did you get suckered in to this? At least she’s not using a teleprompter. Three minute song. Beautiful. Much better than the speech I just sat through.

And now they’re moving on to some gay Latin poet. I’m done commentating on the proceedings. (Oh, I suppose that makes me some racist homophobe. I don’t care. This pomp and circumstance was for naught.)

This was a waste of my time. And yours too. I apologize.